Homesick.

Pride and joy and greed and sex, that's what makes our town the best. Pride and joy and dirty dreams and still surviving on the street; and look at me, I'm in tatters. I've been battered, what does it matter? To live in this town you must be tough! You got rats on the west side and bed bugs uptown. What a mess. This town's in tatters, I've been shattered. My brain's been battered, splattered all over Manhattan. 

Richmond, VA

As of today, May 20th, 2009, Virginia Commonwealth University has accepted me into their school of business. This is and probably will be one of the best days of my life.

I love Richmond because the people there are real, and people of this kind are something I can't find in Virginia Beach.

 At the news of my acceptance, the missing piece of my puzzle lit the roses on fire. As far as I know, there are no real mistakes. I think he secretly wishes he were in wonderland, just as I do... and lately I truly believe I am. Maybe real life and fantasy have found synergy in my so called life... or maybe I'm just better off than I previously realized.

Drawing.

A drawing I did based around Alice and Wonderland. I probably never will escape wonderland, and I'm not the last bit perturbed by the thought of it.

Scorpio

My ability to reflect my astrological sign to a tee is actually beginning to fuck with my head. Everything that the sign of the scorpio embodies seems to be myself in a nutshell. 

Scorpios do know what they want, and they won't go out and grab it at the wrong moment. They simply sit back, watch, and then get it only when the moment is just right. This apparent patience is simply their powerful skills at strategy at work. Scorpios are known for their intensity. They are determined folk that absolutely throw themselves into whatever they do but getting them to commit to something is rarely an easy task. In fact, it's better not to even try to "get them" to do anything.

The darker side of life intrigues them, and they're always ready to investigate. Scorpios simply never give up. They have tremendous staying power. They're not in the slightest intimidated by anybody or anything. Confrontations are not a problem. In fact, talk to any Scorpio about their lives, and you'll probably be in awe at all they've gone through. Trauma seems to follow them wherever they go. When Scorpio learns optimism, instead of expecting the worst, they'll find that they possess amazing regenerative powers -- the power to heal, create, and transform.

I need to get out of my house, I need to start being happy, and I need to learn optimism.

Cause these nights

i think maybe that i miss you in my living room

but we have much room, does anybody need that room?

because we all need a little more room to live.

When you're out there and you're single, and you're just kind of a satellite doing your thing and running around, not necessarily romantically speaking, but just in general, and not being accountable to another human being, you can kind of go on tangents that you may not be allowed to go on so much when you're shacked up or something to that effect. That said, I have a pretty decent ex-boyfriend who's pretty accepting of the fact that I'm sort of partially out of my mind. Part of what I've learned in the past couple years, and from the past year especially is to try and maintain that edge, to keep moving forward and not get too comfortable in any one spot. But you know everything in life, all the good things and the bad things, come with their own set of challenges. I think a lot of people wouldn't say it, but I think that's what a lot of us worry about. I think it's sort of the weaker person who feels the need to completely destroy their relationships and their lives on a regular basis to be inspired. And I'm trying desperately not to be that person, because I was that person, and no one likes that person.

You don't have to see me this way

because this way I'm okay.

oh love, when does this twisting end?

all I want to do is look at you and know I'm okay.

I'm walking backwards and looking down.

As is to my typical norm, I'm currently to high to try to call it a day.

It's chronic tunnel vision I'm suffering from,

and the only thing at the end of the tunnel is you.

I've got you to propel me, but I still need so much.

I still do love you, I always will love you, but I can't deal anymore.

Falling back down the rabbit hole. Fuck my life.